


A Lost Sign {A Hänschen and Ernest Fanfic}

by RingoNose



Category: Spring Awakening
Genre: Gay, M/M, Romance, Suicide, spring awakening - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 05:31:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20003101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RingoNose/pseuds/RingoNose
Summary: Hänschen and Ernest, a gay couple from 1890s Germany. They must hide their secret from the world, no matter what the cost. With the death of friends, over controlling parents, and Religion getting in the way, will they ever just be able to live their lives?Based off of/inspired by the Spring Awakening Play.





	A Lost Sign {A Hänschen and Ernest Fanfic}

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Verbal & Physical Abuse, Anti-Gay Religious Overtones, and mentions of Sexual things (although not in great detail).

The fields rustled with the blow of a soft spring breeze. With every passing minute the sky changed color with the setting sun; blue, pink, purple, and finally black. Stars brightly splattered everywhere. Two boys sit just under the overhang of rocks, just out of sight from the people on the nearby vineyard. They are lying down a foot apart from each other on their backs. The two talk of whatever their minds seem to bring up.

"Oh, I'm exhausted." Sighed Ernest, the slender and feminine of the two. "It was a long walk up here."

"It's a shame that our time together is passing quickly, let us not spend it discontented."

"Okay Hans." Laughed Ernest. "But you were the one who chose this spot."

"Well, it's nice and quiet here." Hänschen pointed out. "Other than the church bells which ring from the valley."

"Ah yes the church." Ernest turned to Hänschen. "I've always wanted to be a pastor, with a good-natured wife, a well-filled library and offices. For six days one has to think, and on the seventh one opens one's mouth. When out walking, one gives one's hand to the school-girls and boys, and when one comes home the coffee steams, the cookies are brought out and the maids fetch apples through the garden door.—Can you imagine anything more beautiful Hans? [e]"

Hänschen smirked. "I didn't know you were the religious type."

"What do you imagine?" Ernest probed as he played with the grass between his fingers.

Hänschen looked back up at the night sky. He smiled. "I imagine half-closed eyelids, half-open lips and Turkish draperies. I do not believe in pity. Our elders show us long faces in order to hide their stupidity. Among themselves they call each other donkeys just as we do. I know that. Imagine the future as a milkshake with sugar and cinnamon. One fellow upsets it and howls, another stirs it all together and sweats. Why not skim off the cream? Or don't you believe that one can learn how? [e]" His deep blue eyes flickered over to see Ernest's reaction, as if he were begging for approval.

"It seems wonderful. Let us skim!" 

"Let's." Agreed Hänschen. He sat up with his legs out. "May I add that thirty years from now, on some evening like to-day, if we can even recall this one, perhaps it will seem too beautiful for expression. [e]"

Ernest let go a clump of grass and sat up to look Hänschen in his eyes. "If I were alone right now I would weep."

Hänschen leaned forwards and lightly kissed Ernest on the lips. "Don't be sad."

A wave of shock passed though Ernest. A kiss was not what he was expecting- yet it was a joyous surprise. Ernest kissed Hänschen back. The two held it for a moment to savor the moment.

Ernest parted from Hänschen, his face a bright red. "I left the house with the idea of just speaking to you and turning back again. [o]"

"And I waited for you here."

"I should not have been content if I had not met you. I love you, Hans, as I have never loved another soul. [e]"

Hänschen brushed aside a piece of his hair. "Someday, someday we may even mock this day. Yet at this very moment everything is so beautiful. The fields, the overhang of rocks, the mountains... everything. Let's just live in the moment and enjoy life as it is."

"Let's." Agreed Ernest.

"But we cannot let anyone know about this." 

"Will this be more than a one time thing?" 

Hänschen leaned forwards a little bit. "If you want it to be~. I know I'd like it to be more than a one time thing."

Ernest checked his watch. "Oh— it's getting late. My parents must wonder where I am. A punishment mustn't be risked." 

Hänschen helped him up, "Will I see you in class tomorrow?" He asked.

"Why of course Hans! After class we even could study together."

"That would be wonderful." Hänschen smiled. "It's gotten awfully quiet since Moritz's suicide."

"And to think I was almost expelled instead of him."

"Ernest darling, trust me- it wasn't a grade thing. The headmasters simply didn't like him."

Ernest turned around to face Hänschen. "Our grades were nearly the same, Hans. That could have been me. The thought terrifies me." His eyes began to tear up.

Hänschen placed a hand on Ernest's back. "Don't terrify yourself with a lie. It won't do you any good. Even if you were expelled- trust me- you wouldn't end up like him. There isn't anything to drive you to that point- correct?"

Ernest quickly looked at his watch. "I'm so sorry Hans, I wish I could speak with you longer- but I must go, my parents must be scared half to death."

Hänschen ran his finger on Ernest's arm. "May I walk you back?" He said with a seductive tone.

Ernest being a dumb bitch (I had no idea how else to write this) responded, "Why of course! But isn't your house in the other direction?" 

"That matters not to me."

Ernest grabbed Hänschen's hand. "Then let's go."

Hänschen freed his hand. "Ernest, darling, as much as I would love to— we cannot. What if someone sees us? We'll surely be put in a mental asylum."

"The world is a cruel one." 

"Indeed." Agreed Hänschen. "But that is life. Stick to status quo and things make well. We get a job, marry a wife, have children, and die. Do anything else and nothing is for certain. But let us live our best when young! This small trial of joy will end soon to a merciless life, why not live it how we please?"

"Why can't we live our dreams into adulthood?" 

"The world may change before then, so there is a possibility of it. But the world expects different from us. You said it yourself, being a pastor and having a wife." Hänschen replied with an unsettling sense of ease.

Ernest played with his own hands a little. "May we still be together then? Or at least friends?"

"Ernest, I intend on being together. No wife will ever stop my love for you."

"Thank you."

"Have you even worried that this is just teen love and we'll grow out of it?"

"There's a high chance that that will be a possibility- but as I say, let's just live our lives to the fullest at the moment."

Ernest nodded and got up, the two then proceeded and began their walk down the hill.

Around halfway down Hänschen spoke. "I pray that no one saw us."

Ernest nodded. "Who's knows what would have happened."

"Jailed or put in an asylum I tell you."

"God- fear must run rampant in our kind."

"Ah, don't say it like it's a bad thing. You've must have known for a while- long enough to develop feelings."

Ernest laughed pitifully. "Yes. Yet I could never fake it as well as you. Your conversations with the other boys seemed so natural when it came upon the topic of women." 

"I actually enjoy both men and women. Strange isn't it?" Hänschen replied.

"Why choose me then?"

"Oh Ernest you dishearten me. I love you, that's why. Your smile, your personal, your voice— everything about you is what I want. I want to spend my life with you." Hänschen kissed Ernest.

Ernest broke away after a moment. "Is it because you can't risk a pregnancy?"

"Yes of course." Hänschen sarcastically replied. "I love you for you won't carry my child." He pulled Ernest closer. "In all seriousness my dear, I don't care for a child, so your lack of womb bothers me not. What idiot would try to impregnate a girl at this age anyways?" [a/n yes I'm throwing shade at Melchior.]

"You've never thought of sex before?" Remarked Ernest. Hänschen seemed like the type who would have. But Ernest also seems like the innocent type, an opposite of Hänschen, when he isn't."

"Of course I have. You can have sex without risk of pregnancy you know." He paused. "Have you ever had the thought of sex?"

Ernest meekly replied with a yes.

Hänschen patted him on the shoulder. "Ah it's okay. At this age every boy has. No shame in hiding that. I unfortunately was taught at a young age, younger than everyone I suppose- as I am the youngest in the grade- but this information isn't bad at all. Unlike some of the others in this world at our age, I won't do anything stupid because of it, like Melchior."

"I suppose it's a blessing and a curse." Ernest sat back down on the grass. 

"Why do you sit? What about your parents."

"I'm going spending my time with you. I'll just say I stayed outside and watched the stars."

Hänschen smiled and sat down next to Ernest. "Why don't we find somewhere indoors? It's getting cold."

"But the stars shine bright tonight."

Hänschen put his hands behind himself to prop himself up when he looked up. Ernest was right- it was a perfectly clear sky. The stars shown brighter than even and a full moon illuminated the earth. "It is beautiful." Remarked Hänschen.

Ernest laid down as Hänschen admired the sky. Hänschen joined him and they watched the sky together.

A small streak of light came across the sky. It was followed by two or three smaller- but as equally astounding as the first."

"A shooting star!" Ernest's voice raised. "I've never seen one before."

"It's good luck I believe."

Ernest rolled over to Hänschen and laid his head on his shoulder.

"We've been friends for years, and finally this moment happens."

"How long have you fancied me?" Asked Ernest. 

Hänschen thought about it for a moment. "A while. I suppose last summer I realized it. What about you?"

"Near the beginning of the school year. But before that it was an on and off thing."

"And why is that?"

"Oh just accepting the fact of my homosexuality. Denial is a strong thing." 

"Are you fine now?"

"I still pray every night to be normal." Ernest looked up at Hänschen. "But god doesn't answer my prayers. I suppose it's his plan for me, even though I disagree with his choice."

"I'm glad that our plan's intertwine. God must have wanted us together."

"Yes. But my parents want me to marry."

"The same goes for me. It's a shame we can't. Let's just go behind our future wives back."

Ernest cringed. "That feels wrong. I would feel horrible doing that."

"Ah- But you would feel horrible being with a woman, would you not?"

Ernest slowly nodded. "I suppose you're right."

"Let's create our own country then- let us create a country of love, where everyone can live how they want."

Ernest sighed. "It sounds wonderful." He reached for Hänschen's hand and help it.

"Yes. Everyone can be themselves without fear."

Ernest kissed Hänschen's neck. "Hopefully the world will come to that within our lifetime."

"I think it will."

"Yeah when we're 80 or so. It would be in the 1940s. Germany will be better by then surely."

"The other countries will be too."

Pushing his body upwards Ernest kissed Hänschen's lips.

"My, you really like kissing don't you?"

Ernest nodded. "I enjoy the rush."

Hänschen smiled and kissed Ernest's forehead. "I know we have only been together in this way since today, but I was wondering if-"

Ernest backed away. "Hans- I'm so sorry, I can't. I don't want to rush." He said.

"Sorry- I forgot you wanted to wait till marriage."

"That too."

Hänschen raised an eyebrow. "But- we cannot get married."

"Not legally. But when the time comes we can promise to stay together. An unofficial marriage."

"Now?" He joked.

Ernest laughed. "Not now Hans. We're both 16."

"I'm 15." Reminded Hänschen.

Ernest playfully pushed Hänschen. "Okay- But you understand what I'm talking about."

"Of course Darling."

The two continued to look at the stars. Few words passed between the two. They lay together in the cold grass, worrying about nothing in the past, present, or future. Hands interwoven, lips touching, two touch-starved young men finally getting what their heart desire, despite the backlash of the outside world. But that didn't matter, what mattered was the present. The two were different in appearance and in initial meet, but deep down were the same; two boys who craved love and acceptance. The two gave each other both. Both risked being jailed, both risked a death penalty, but ignored the law.

In a change of plans, the two went to their respective homes. The later it got, the colder it became, and the two were still wearing their school uniforms. Hänschen did walk Ernest to his house but left before Ernest's parents could see them together.

Hänschen's walk home was quiet and lonely. There were a few drunk men and women lying on the street, few conscious enough to speak coherent sentences. One girl was even passed out in the middle of the road. Hänschen walked over to the girl and found her wallet. He took her money and stuffed it into his pocket without a second thought. He placed her wallet back in to her dress, which she seemed to have cut and sewn pockets into.

"Junge! Komm hierher!" Shouted a familiar voice. "Gib dem armen Mädchen ihr Geld zurück!"

"Ah- Entschuldigung Vater! I thought she was dead." Lied Hänschen.

Hänschen's father stormed up to him. "Dumm Junge- use your brain. She needs the money trust me."

"To pay for her alcohol?"

Hänschen's father sighed. "I have no doubt it'll be used for that- but also for food and possibly shelter."

"I know the girl- she'll just eat what she can find and uses the money to get drunk."

"Ilse? Is that the girl? You shouldn't take from her of all people! She and your grade lost Moritz as a friend, she's in mourning."

"She's not-"

Hänschen's father hit Hänschen across the face. "Don't talk back to me."

"Ja Vater." Quickly replied Hänschen. He lay his hand on his cheek. 

"You're lucky I'm not putting you in an institution like the Gabor child. Stealing is a crime, you should know that."

Hänschen nodded.

"Nicken Sie mir nicht zu - geben Sie dem Mädchen ihr Geld zurück!" Ordered his father.

T'was only a coincidence that the two were outside at the same time, but it might as well had been.

The father continued, "Hänschen- Ich liebe dich - aber manchmal triffst du schlechte Entscheidungen. Eines Tages wird es dich einholen. Ich bete, dass ich nicht da bin, wenn's passiert. Ich sorge mich zu sehr um deinen Untergang zu sehen."

Hänschen began to tear up- his father rarely shared his disappointments. When he did, however, it hit hard. "Ja Vater."

"I trust you to make better decisions for the future."

"I will Father."

~~~~~~~

Ernest sat in his room alone on a stool and looked out his window.

"Ernest say your prayers and go to bed." Snapped Ernest's mother through his door. "It's very late."

"Natürlich, Mutter." Replied Ernest. He took his stool back to next to his bed and said his prayer. Ernest went into his bed and pretended to fall asleep- he could hear his mother's footsteps leave his door.

At a young age of 7 Ernest made the mistake of telling his mother of his feelings for another boy who lived on their street- even now, his mother makes sure he prays to not to a homosexual every-night along with the normal prayer. She hopes that her only son will pass on the family genes- and have a normal life. But no matter her attempts, she knows that he won't change. At the very least she hopes he'll get a wife and have a child.

Ernest regrets that day ever since it happened those nine years ago. But life moves on. 

Ernest got out of bed slowly trying not to make the springs squeak too loudly. He opened his desk drawer and opened his book of class photos- he flipped to the picture of Hänschen, George, and Robert. Ernest ripped out Hänschen and placed the photo under his pillow, with the hopes of dreams of him.

Whoever told him that was a liar, for Ernest dreamed of nothing that night, just like every night.

Ernest woke at 6 to his alarm clock ringing. He turned it off and began to get dressed for the day. As he was just buttoning up the uniform's vest [[A/N I don't know what the vests under suits are called]] his father opened the door.

"Good morning Ernest." Greeted his father.

"Good morning!" Said Ernest with a smile.

"Your mother has prepared breakfast."

"That's strange, she usually makes it as I start to leave for school." Ernest picked up his suit jacket.

His father chuckled. "Well, you are waking earlier and earlier in the mornings. You're as thin as a stick, might as well nip it in the bud and make your breakfast earlier in the morning to match with your schedule."

Ernest looked down at himself. "I suppose I have gotten on the thin side."

"Then let's get you something to eat."

Ernest held his hands out in dismissal. "Oh- I couldn't, I'm not hungry. If I eat it might make me starve at this time in the future."

The father sighed. "Ernest you're a growing boy, you need food."

"Father- I know that, I'll just eat more at supper."

He patted his son on the shoulder. "Promise?"

"I promise." He smiled.

Ernest's father stood up and stopped the door. "I'll see you tonight?"

"I was thinking of hanging out with my friends after school. We were thinking of visiting Melchior, at his reformatory school."

"That boy is a bad influence- be careful."

"I will. Don't worry."

His father left the doorway and closed the door behind him. 

Ernest went over to his bed and picked up the photo that was under his pillow. He took the picture and put it back in his desk drawer. 

"It be hard to explain why I have this." Ernest said to himself with a laugh. He didn't know what would happen if his parents were to find out. 

They'd probably be concerned at first, as they were the ones who told Ernest the dream lie when he was a young child. Ernest hadn't ever been able to dream, or at the very least remember his dreams from the minute he woke. As a child he was always heard the other children talk of their dreams, and it always disappointed him that he couldn't join in in conversation.

Ernest glanced over at his watch. The time was 6:32 and school began at 7:00. Ernest would usually start his walk at 6:45 to get to school, but he planned to go to Hänschen's house and walk to school with him.

"Auf Wiedersehen! Wir sehen uns heute Abend." Said Ernest as he left the house.

Ernest's father and mother, Herr Röbel and Frau Röbel, sat in their living room silently.

"I fear he hasn't changed." Frau Röbel remarked, breaking the silence.

"I know. But the best we can hope for is him growing out of it."

"It's been nine years- or even more! I'm starting to lose hope." Cried Frau Röbel. "Oh our family name is ruined. We have a homosexual child. We'll be the laughing stock of the neighborhood. No- we are the laughing stock."

Herr Röbel sighed. "Well- he's still our child-"

"I know- I know, I still love him, but at times it's hard. What did we do wrong? We taught him the Bible, we sent him to school, we sent him to Church- what did we do wrong?" A tear ran down Frau Röbel's face.

"It's a mental illness, dear. It's nothing we nor he did." Comforted Herr Röbel.

"The treatments are horrible and harsh- I couldn't live with myself if I made him get them." She took a sip of the tea she had made.

"Neither could I."

She put her tea down. "That's why we should just stick with our method. Ernest has been doing it for a long time, and already is a worshipper of God, so someday God will help him."

"May it happen soon."

"I pray."

~~~~~~~

Hänschen however, woke less pleasantly.

"Wo zur Hölle warst du letzte Nacht, du dummes Kind!" Yelled Frau Rilow. 

"Mother I'm sorry!" Apologized Hänschen.

"You stay up late doing god knows what and then pickpocket some drunk!? Who raised you this way? You're lucky I don't beat you."

"I'm sorry." Repeated Hänschen. "I was with a friend!"

"Who? Was it a girl?"

"No! It was Ernest."

"Röbel?"

Hänschen nodded. 

His mother placed her hand on her temple. "Just as bad. I've heard rumors about that child. His poor parents."

"What- what rumors?" Asked Hänschen- hoping it wouldn't be what he thought.

"The boy is a homosexual. Disgusting isn't it? His parents have been trying to cure him for years. Don't let him do anything with you okay? He's older than you-"

"But he's thin and weak. He won't do anything. I'll make sure of it mother."

"Versprich mir?"

"Ich verspreche es dir." Hänschen lied. "May I go to back to bed?"

"Just stay up." Snapped Frau Rilow. "As punishment for staying out and stealing."

"I returned the money!" Hänschen sprung up from his bed.

Frau Rilow raised her hand as if to strike him. "Not another word from you!"

Hänschen sat back down. His watch on his nightstand said it was 5:47.

"Mother- it's awfully early-"

"Rest then, don't make the same mistake again."

Hänschen waited for his mother to leave to room before he actually fell asleep. She was typically kind- but when upset she was a nightmare.

The minute Hänschen's alarm rang at 6:30, he got up and got dressed and left his house at around 6:50. Less than a block away he found Ernest.

"Hans!" Smiles Ernest.

"Let's get going please. My parents are highly upset with me."

"Oh- why?" Ernest knew something was up.

"Well- they're aren't thrilled that I stayed out at night." Hänschen left out the part about him stealing.

"It's not because of me is it? I would hate to have been the cause of your misfortune."

"Misfortune? Ernest you worry too much."

Ernest gestured at Hänschen's cheek. "You have a slight bruise. It wasn't there last night."

Hänschen was shocked- he had no idea a slap of all things could give a bruise. "I fell- that's all."

"Hans-"

"I don't want to speak of it anymore- let us get going, we're going to be late for school." He put on a reassuring smile.

The two both had their faults- Hänschen's being his inability to believably lie. And Ernest's being, well, he is about as good at recognizing flirting as a lesbian. But that doesn't pertain to the story currently, unlike Hänschen's.

"Fine- But I'm still going to bother you about it."

Hänschen scoffed and walked off with Ernest trailing behind. "I just got hurt- that's all. Nothing more nothing less."

Ernest- despite being taller and having longer legs- was still struggling to keep up with Hänschen. "Slow— slow down please." He also struggled catching his breath.

"I will when we're well out of sight from my house."

Ernest stopped speed walking and sat down in the middle of the road.

Hänschen stopped too- only to ask: "Why'd you stop?"

"I'm tired- I'm sorry. I didn't get as much sleep as usual."

He walked back to Ernest and squatted down next to him. "Let's just skip class."

"Skip class?"

"Sure- it'll be fun."

Ernest looked down. "I don't know Hans. My grades aren't perfect right now."

Hänschen stood up and held his hand out. "We don't have any tests today- and the year is rearing an end."

Ernest grabbed Hänschen's hand and Hänschen pulled him up. "I guess so. But what about going to see Melchior?"

"We'll still do that. Now please let's leave this street."

"Ye- Yes." Ernest quickly agreed. "Tomorrow the teacher'll hit us though-"

"So? We have a week left of school, why not just not show? Teachers can't hit us if we don't ever see them." Hänschen began to walk away.

"Han- I just think it's a bad idea." Ernest remarked as he tried to catch up with Hänschen. "I feel as if I'm failing as it is. I don't want to be suspended."

Hänschen continued walking down the street until he abruptly turned and walked down an alleyway. Ernest followed hesitantly. Hänschen sat down at the very end of the alleyway on a cinderblock. 

He sighed. "God- Ernest I'm so sorry. We don't have to skip, I just wanted to spend time together. Let's go to school."

"Please don't take the Lord's name in vain- it's very disrespectful."

"Sorry. I won't do it again."

"Don't apologize to me." Laughed Ernest.

Hänschen smiled. "What's so funny?"

"I don't care for if you have blasphemous language. Don't worry so much." Ernest sat down next to the cinderblock. "It's the Lord who'll judge you anyway." He added. "It's your choice on whether to go to hell or not."

Hänschen placed his hand on Ernest's back. "We're going to hell anyways- why not make the most of life and not care what God wants of us?"

"Ugh- I forgot about that. I'm still going to be a good Christian, I just can't follow one rule."

"Anyway- it never says we go to hell, just killed with rocks! And look-" Hänschen gestured at himself, "I'm not dead. I'm here and breathing." He placed his hand under Ernest's jaw and brought him in for a kiss. 

"Let's go into hell hand in hand." Ernest said- forcefully pushing out a smile. 

"That's the spirit! Oh but in all seriousness Ernest, you are very religious and I'm sure God will understand your situation. You're doing your best." He patted Ernest on the back.

"What time is it?" He changed the subject.

"Oh I have no idea, I left my watch at home." Hänschen replied stareing off down the alley.

"You're useless."

"I know. If you want to go to school-"

"I do want to." Spoke Ernest over him.

"-then we should go now." Hänschen stood and straightened out his uniform.

Halfway on the way to the school, Ernest stopped walking.

"Darling what's wrong?"

"We're already late. We can't show up late- together. What will everyone think?" Ernest's eyes began to water up. "I'm barely passing- I might get kicked out of school. Then what? Become a pastor with a low education? I don't know if I can do that. Everyone already suspects that I'm a homosexual, showing up late with you will only confirm their suspicions. You show no shame! To be like you would be a dream."

"Ernest I have shame with this. I try not to show it. Every single man like us isn't proud, but we get over it at some point in our life. Frankly, I'm barely shameless because I don't care anymore. As long as my parents don't know when I'm under their roof. They, unlike your parents, will kill me. Your parents care for your wellbeing, and mine? Well, let's just say, if they found out, the both of us will be dead. But really, I highly doubt people will think anything happened if we showed up late together. I've shown up to school late after doing things and no one could tell a thing."

"Wait, with another boy from this school?"

Hänschen smiled. "Yes, Robert. He was curious, and, while not being like us, had a decent time."

"Oh wow, Maler? I never would have thought you two have ever- ever done anything. What exactly did-" The minute that last question came out of Ernest's mouth- he 1. Regretting asking and 2. Already knew the answer.

Hänschen lowered his voice into a whisper. Perhaps to prevent others from hearing. "Sex. Frankly he was curious and desperate and here I was, so I was happy to help him out. Although, I wasn't quite thrilled about my role in our act."

Ernest's face turned a bright red. "Sorry for asking Hans."

"Oh Ernest did I make you upset, I forgot you aren't a fan of this stuff-"

"Hans, it's ok, I'm just a tad flustered. I thought you were still a virgin." Ernest shifted his weight onto his left leg.

"Well, the hormones can make you do crazy things." He paused. "Although, 'Bobby' and I haven't done anything in ages"

"Was it more than a one time thing?"

"Oh yes. We were never a relationship though, just using each other for pleasure."

"Like- Like a prostitute? Only without the money."

"A whore then? Yes, I suppose so. Bothers me none, I'm going to live my life. Although, having sex with one guy doesn't make me a who-"

"Hans, I lo- care about you, this is why I ask, how many more people?"

"A girl I can't remember the name of and Robert Maler. That's it."

Ernest sighed in relief. "I was worried for a moment."

"What about you?" Hänschen jokingly asked. "How many?"

"I'm 16, it's going to be zero." Ernest chuckled. "Although, you're 15 and here you are with two."

"I bet the other boys are jealous."

"Of you? What a foolish thing to say. Like they want to deal with another overly sexual man."

"Hey! Ich dachte, du liebst mich Ernest!"

"Ich mag dich! Du bist nur nervig!"

Hänschen made a fake angry face. "You aren't helping your case!"

"Ich meinte nur, dass sie keine homosexuellen!" Explained Ernest. "Use your brain!"

"Ernest darling we have to go, we're already late and not even a half of our way to the school."

Ernest's smiles faded. "I suppose we should hurry then. Although we're going to be late anyways so what's the point." 

"Exactly."

"Let's go to the church, pray a bit for forgiveness for skipping our classes then be on our way."

Hänschen was a bit taken back from this sudden change in plan. "Oh- yes, uh sure that sounds- fun."

Ernest began to walk the other way, the way to the church. "Hans, I don't enjoy it either but it gives me peace of mind to know that my soul will not burn for even the smallest of sins."

~~~~~~~

"Röbel? You should be in class." The pastor commented once the two entered. He stood up from one of the pews.

"Father I wanted to pray if that is fine with you."

"Is there any relating reason why this young man is here with you? Ernest-"

"No no, don't worry, he came with to pray as well."

The pastor shook his head. "Ernest. The Lord knows if you are lying."

"I'm not lying I promise you."

"If you continue to struggle with your feelings we will have to separate you two." He warned. "You want to become a pastor don't you?"

"We're just friends!" Ernest put on a reassuring smile. "I'd tell you if it were otherwise."

Hänschen, who was looking up at the architecture, turned around and placed a hand on his heart and mouthed: "how could you?" 

"Oh shut it." Mouthed Ernest back with a smile.

The pastor's back was turned away from the two, so he didn't see this interaction. He was busy talking to another church member.

Hänschen looked back up. "What a waste of money." He mumbled under his breath.

"What did you say?" The pastor asked from a distance. 

Hänschen, without looking away from the, well frankly hideous, ceiling of the church replied, "Oh just admiring." He looked back and the pastor was walking up to him.

"Listen, I need to speak with you."

Hänschen glanced at Ernest, who was in prayer, oblivious to events around him. "Is it about-?"

The pastor nodded and grabbed Hänschen and pulled him into a side room.

"If you're going to kill me, get it over with." Joked Hänschen.

The pastor sighed. He gestured to a chair that was in the side room. Hänschen reluctantly sat down.

The pastor sat across from him. "You are leading Ernest away from a life of holiness, I can see it in his eyes. I don't know if you feel the same, but I suggest to make it very clear to him that nothing good will come out of your friendship or relationship. Even if the boy wasn't a homosexual, relationships at this age are unhealthy. And, pastors can't be in any sexual relationship. I don't know much about you, not even your name-"

"Hänschen."

"Hänschen, you can understand where I'm coming from I hope. I may disagree with the lifestyle of homosexuality, but I'm not going to dehumanize or harm Ernest or any others. That's why Ernest's parents go to this church, I try and help the boy in the most peaceful way possible. I'm helping him against eternity in hell."

Hänschen leaned back and crossed his legs. "You are making his mind tear up from within. This religion is ruining a lot more than you think."

"Are you an Atheist?" 

He sat back up. "No, but I can't say I agree with the church on many things. I'm here to support Ernest, unlike you." 

"Hänschen, just try to lead the boy the right way. It's for the best."

"I'm letting Ernest be himself instead of shoving him in a ditch and leaving him for the rats." Hänschen snapped. 

"I knew it. You two are together. How long?" He placed a hand on his temple.

"Since last night. Nothing happened, don't worry yourself."

"Hänschen still- this is an act against God! I doubt He will be forgiving on your soul unless we help you!"

Hänschen got up and stormed out the room. Ernest was sitting in one of the pews, drawing on a piece of paper. It was a drawing of the carnations planted outside.

"Hi Hans." Ernest was finishing drawing the last petal.

"Nice drawing." He commented.

Ernest glanced over at Hänschen. "Oh thanks!" He smiled.

Hänschen could feel the burning stare of the pastor from across the room. It was a small church, it could only fit- well Hänschen always skipped church so he didn't know how many people could fit.

"What was the pastor talking to you about?" Ernest asked, placing his drawing next to him.

"Take a wild guess."

Ernest raised his hands, "You've got to be kidding me." He grabbed the pew in front of him. "We can't do anything without this happening! We walk into a church and-"

"The pastor is watching us, you should lower your voice."

Ernest looked around the church and locked his eyes on the pastor. "What did you tell him Hans."

Hänschen didn't respond.

"Hans no! He'll speak to my parents. The two of us will never hang out again." Ernest's voice broke. He put his head in his hands.

"Ernest-"

"He knows we haven't done anything right? We haven't- I can't have him think that-"

Hänschen put his hand on Ernest's shoulder. "I made sure he knew that we haven't."

"Let's go away from here- please." He begged. "I- I just need to relax and get away from here."

"Of course." He started his walk to the door, but stopped briefly to say: "Do you still want to walk with me?"

Ernest quickly scampered to he door and nodded one his way out.

Hänschen closed the door behind him. Looking around at the remaining barren town, he asked. "So where shall we go?"

"I- I don't know." Ernest was astounded. "I'm either at school, at home, or at church. This rupture in the cycle has left me with one less place to head to."

"We can still head back to the church."

"Oh I simply cannot go now- are you mad? The pastor will only further dehumanize me. To be frank with you, I doubt he has ever truly cared about my own happiness. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the church, but I think they should give this whole 'homosexuals are going to hell' thing a rest. As long as we're faithful to the Lord I see no issue."

Hänschen nodded in a agreement, but he wasn't listening, he was spacing out, completely dissociated from the world. For what he was thinking? Practically nothing. A brief thought of where to go had flickered but was lost in that hypnotic-like daze. 

"Hans, are you okay?"

Hänschen snapped out of it. "The priest drugged me." He joked.

"I wouldn't be surprised."

"Sorry Ernest I've lost my fancy for men now- we are done." Continued Hänschen over dramatically. 

Ernest placed his hands on the sides of his face. "Oh no! What will I do now?"

Hänschen smiled and traced his finger down Ernest's arm.

Ernest jumped. "Don't do that! It feels like a bug is crawling on me!"

"Oh sorry Ernest. I was just-" Hänschen cut himself off. "Sorry, darling."

"Want to go to my house? My parents won't be home for a few hours so we can spend time together without suspicion."

"You just want to get away from the psychotic pastor don't you?"

"Hans- of course I do! But I also want to be together so let's go to my house." He began walking home.

Hänschen followed him a few yards back. In the back of his mind, the thought of Ernest's parents actually being home bounced around. He tried to ignore it, but it was tearing him apart. "Ernest- are you sure they aren't home?" 

Ernest was to far up to hear Hänschen.

Ernest was caught up in his thoughts too, hoping only the repeated patterns of his path to home would come to him subconsciously. Ernest feared for his future. He craved the carefree attitude that Hänschen possessed about his sexuality, and his life in general. He always spoke of his parents being horrible and strict, but could such an unbearable household really form such a relaxed character? At most his parents weren't aware of Hänschen's sexuality. Did they know of Ernest's? His mother had mentioned the issue to the pastor and-

Ernest picked up his pace to walk away from the church quicker. 

The pastor had relayed the issue with some of the church goers. How else would people know? Everyone in his school treated him fine, so did they know? Or did they just feel bad? After gym class, do they notice his stares? Ernest always tried to be respectful but would look out of the corner of his eyes. Oh they hated him didn't they? No- they would have made that clear. Did they come from a place of understanding? The other boys were sex crazed and probably could understand the situation if they were in the showers with women. No,  
they probably were fine sexualizing the girls, but not being sexualized themself.

Ernest cleared his head and noticed that he was close to his house. The time was 11:43, so they had time to waste. "Hans, we're close." Ernest shouted over his shoulder. He turned to see Hänschen trying to catch up from a block away. Ernest must have walked a little too fast, forgetting that he has longer legs than Hänschen. Even though using Hänschen was faster, Ernest's stress and ambition caused him to speed through the streets.

Ernest stopped at his door and took out his keys. Hänschen has finally made it over at this time and was completely out of breath. "Are you okay?" Asked Ernest.

"I- have asthma you ass." Gasped Hänschen. "You're lucky I haven't ran that far.

Ernest unlocked his door. "I'm really sorry Hans. I didn't know." 

"Ugh." He wheezed. "I'm fine don't worry."

Ernest held the door open for Hänschen, and walked in after him.

The front door opened up to, what most people would think is a small library, but was really just a living room that had an abundance of books, most in bookcases and few in little stacks of 3 or 4 on top on side tables. 

"Oh my-"

"Yes." Ernest said over Hänschen. "It's a lot. It's only this room though. The rest are normal"

Hänschen sauntered over to a book shelf and picked out a book. "But why so many?" He commented, turning the book over a few times.

"They enjoy reading and are hoarders of only books. Or at least I believe that that's what it is."

Hänschen nodded and put the book back but with the spine on the inner side of the bookshelf. Ernest payed no mind and just collapsed onto his sofa.

"Today has been utterly tiring. Emotion wise."

Hänschen sat down on the wooden rocking chair that was across the room from where Ernest sat. "Ah yes, although more for you than me."

"Sit closer."

Hänschen reluctantly got up and, just to annoy Ernest, pretended to almost sit on his lap.

"You know that's not what I-"

Hänschen turned around. "I know dear." He leaned in, kissed Ernest on the  
forehead, and sat down on the floor in front of Ernest. "What time is it?" 

"Somewhere around 12 I imagine."

"Tsk, we have a few hours before having to see Melchior. What to do in the meantime?" Hänschen placed a hand on Ernest's thigh.

Ernest delicately pushed Hänschen's hand off of him. "Hans, trust me I really do like you, but I told you I'm not ready for that!" His face was a bright red.

"I wasn't suggesting we have sex, what are you talking about?" Lied Hänschen. 

"Oh. I'm dull." Ernest stated and placed his face in his hands. "Sorry, I've made this awkward haven't I?" 

Hänschen contemplated telling Ernest the truth, but decided it was a bad idea. "No... no, not at all."

Ernest smiled. "You are a horrible liar." He lightly pushed Hänschen.

"I'm well aware. Won't stop me from trying though."

"Trying to lie? Or trying to have sex?"

Hänschen's face turned a bright red. "Lying! I promise, I won't try that again unless it's okay with you!"

"Sure." Teased Ernest. "Oh Hans, you I know you are being truthful. I'm quite positive that you wouldn't continue to try and have sex with me. This is a real relationship we have, we should go slow. I'm not Robert. I'm Ernest. I like you Hans, for you. If possible I would want to keep this relationship as long as possible."

"I want that too."

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This is based off of the play- some dialogue will/might be taken from it. A few changes may be done to fit the scene even better. I will write [o] if it is the unedited quote and [e] if it is an edited quote. If there is no [o] not [e] it is an original dialogue which was written by me. The vineyard scene will be the only scene that contains these.
> 
> 2\. If I mess up with the German- corrections are greatly welcomed :) I am somewhat new to the language and use google translate for words I don't know. Corrections with grammar on anything else is also greatly appreciated.
> 
> 3\. Also this is written is 3rd person omniscient because I don't like the whole "____'s point of view." thing. I'd rather the narrator be a creep and know everything happening ALL at once bc I value all characters opinions on a matter.
> 
> 4\. And just because I want to just write this down to get this out of my system bc I can't exactly write this: Hänschen is a whore (not really but whatever), and is doing his ✨best✨ at respecting Ernest's boundaries ok thanks for reading this whole long ass authors note


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